[The next entries are written in a shittier, more strained hand than normal.]
few hours ago mal gave me an injection of something. feelin better now, thought id write. following events took place only about an hour after the last entry.
had been feeling fantastic, a few minutes of ecstasy after killing the god. suddenly we discover a group of men walkin through the village. we hide in a shed an do fuck all. kraehe goes and takes a look. kokoro takes a look. they say they got a sidhe on a chain. i thought they were slavers, passin through to loot the town. don’t blame em. beta bouncin around in me, i gotta get myself a look. but i fuck up, door creaks and we get showered in bullets. i miss my shot and then the sidhe fuckin lands on me, think it probably broke all my ribs, big gashes too from the claws. thats the thing – sidhe wasnt so much a slave as it was an attack dog. chain was placating it. if that door hadn’t of creaked, the beast could’ve been ours. anyways, beta takes the edge off, keeps me lucid for the next few minutes as we surrender. leader of em was kovacs, knows cohete, has some kind of past with him. tells cohete that hes a fool, that the mission will fail. had learned earlier that cohete is some kinda researcher of these old myths. faith starts to drop, i start to realize that the mission might be a pipe dream. but what the hell am i gonna do. kovacs mentions that he’s got a mission for us in a couple months. im interested, but hes a skeevy fuck who looks like the type whod compare the cost of my services against the size of my bounty. truth is, cohetes a good find and i should stick with him. just hope he doesnt turn out to be a bumbling dreamer bent on lost legends. would be a waste of good talent.
back to my ribs. i remember feeling the injury burnin through the beta like hungry flames on an oil drum. soon the hard edge of the pain hits me, just as i get hit with morphine. and that’s basically the whole week. stumbling through the bush, following whoevers in front of me, either in a fuzzy haze or in the sharp stabbing pain, the morphine fantasy vs the reality of a shattered ribcage. i owe the others, really wouldnt have blamed them if theyd just left me in the village. well, im a mess but i can still walk, can still shoot. proved that yesterday. lay an ambush with kokoro for some deadly territorial beast. oddly, it was similar to doing a hit in the city. tree branches instead of a rooftop, trail instead of sidewalk. was good working with a spotter, though not quite the same. not sure its something id like to get used to, probably not. but a necessity here. kokoros got sharp ears and eyes here, where all i see is green and all i hear is the constant noise of insects and birds. got me thinkin, guess that im the city version of that kind of skill, since kokoro seemed fuckin lost in back in halliwell, just like i am here.
wreckage of the ship came into sight awhile ago, so at least that exists. just hope that, even if it isn’t the eye of a god, we find something in there. probably would have been satisfied with the journey itself if it wasnt for the injury. now its like im lookin for some kinda validation or compensation for it. yeah, i’ve been bitter. realized that its probably cause i havent hit the beta in the past week, tempting, but theres no way my body couldve handled it. the morphines been doin the trick, anyways. still, something inside me is wantin the beta, cigs arent doin it for me either. think ill use before going into the ship, something tells me ill want to be sharp in there. cant wait.
morphine had me talkin the other night. they were about victories and they asked me if i had any of my own. with a smirk i told them about the start of my career. yeah, real big victory. well, it was what it was and it was good for a time, i cant deny that. everyone’s seen the picture of linda by now. told them it was just porn. also repeated that im just wanted for the gun. dont care if they believe me, at least it shuts them up. dont know why im being so cagey. i guess it just comes down to the fact that it just aint their fuckin business. fuck me if they arent making it damn hard to forget, though.
headin off. hope to get to the ship today. got the 15mm assembled and im carrying it, even though its hurting like hell. still, got a feeling that ill want it on me. if that dying god really did come from the ship, i hate to see whats inside